Woman in Trouble I- The One With the Secret Tunnel

This episode is significant for many reasons, the first of which being, I think the Slate Guy needs a hug.

Also significant is Collinwood apparently doubling in size, at least according to My Name is Victoria Winters:

In the beginning, Liz told Victoria there were 40 rooms, which is much more reasonable and meshes better with the establishing shots of a mansion rather than a palace.

Vicky is going on four episodes being trapped and helpless in David’s East Wing bachelor pad. To this point, David is still keeping a tight lid on his duplicity, but one person seems to have figured out the essence of the little monster’s plot.

There are no character interactions in the teaser, with the titles beginning exactly at the minute mark, because this is a very strangely structured episode for a variety of novel reasons.

Which means, for those keeping track at home, we are officially on Day 10 of the series. Took almost four whole months.

The action properly begins with Carolyn’s return to Collinwood.

Lest you think they’ve been scaling down her infatuation with her uncle, never you fear, Francis Swann intends to carry the torch.

Roger casually mentions the still-missing Vicky.

She seems to have forgotten all about her mother looking for Victoria before she left the house. Either that, or Swann just wasn’t reading Wallace’s last scripts, who can say.

Remember when a major cog of the plot was Roger trying to keep Vicky from having dinner with the Evanses? In retrospect, we owe a lot to the sterling silver filigreed fountain pen.

The utility of this comment is mainly to have Carolyn say she knows Vicky isn’t there, because Maggie is currently entertaining someone else.

Roger, of course, is delighted to have more tea, especially as it concerns Carolyn’s boyfriend who, you will remember, he doesn’t approve of because he has a job that he actually does. In fact, it was Roger’s “chance” remark to Carolyn about Joe and Maggie’s dance at the Blue Whale last night that set Carolyn off to begin with…

Which means Roger is indirectly responsible for the romantic evening she just had with Burke. Les affaires.

Just as we spent time with Burke and Carolyn’s date last episode, today we get a glimpse at Joe and Maggie’s candlelit revue.

Joe is telling Maggie a tale of an adventure he and some of the other Collins fishermen had at sea.

It’s a rare and magical thing when you get two performers as comfortable with each other as Kathryn Leigh Scott and Joel Crothers. While Burke and Carolyn gave us raw, passionate, slightly dangerous energy last episode, today is more of the genuine, soft warmth that these two have been bringing ever since their game changing impromptu date at the Blue Whale two weeks ago.

Joe laughs, wondering what a “girl” could know about boats, noting Carolyn never seems to want to hear about them. Maggie invites him to “try her” which, let’s face it, has been her entire courtship strategy with him up to this point.

So…time for me, the super Maggie/Joe shipper on deck, to describe a popular trope and why this ship isn’t that.

Maggie knowing about boats and being willing to talk about them, as opposed to Carolyn, who gets “seasick” when she talks about them, might be seen as a phenomenon of Maggie being “Not like the other girls”.

The ‘Not like the other girls’…thing is an Internet subculture, as well as a subculture criticizing that subculture. Essentially, it describes a type of woman, real or fictional, who takes pride in deviating from the “other girls”, be it by being sporty, or goth, or punk, or some other countercultural thing.

Of course, there is a major problem with this, because this thinking precludes an existence of an amorphous “other girls” that are being othered and looked down upon so the “Not Like” girls can feel superior. After all, delicate queer boys like myself don’t declare we’re “Not like other guys”…because we don’t need to. Society allows for (even if it doesn’t always accept) men in different forms…nerdy, jocky, artistic, etc. It’s only women who get stigmatized in that way.

Fiction, especially fiction made by men, tends to feed into this by creating love interests for the main male characters who are unlike other girls and, because of this, appealing to the men simply by adhering to the author’s idea of what men are like.

It could be assumed that Maggie is such a character, and Joe is gravitating toward her over Carolyn simply because she’s less “girly”. This is untrue and wrong and bad.

The real reason Joe is falling in love with Maggie is because Maggie isn’t a psychopath. To that end, Carolyn’s problem is never that she’s girly. It’s her various other…temperamental hang-ups. This is even acknowledged in the text numerous times by both writers the show has had to this point, so good on you, Dark Shadows for averting a cliché that wouldn’t be given a name for half a century after you were a thing.

Act 2 begins with Joe giving Maggie a quiz on boat parts.

And I cannot begin to transcribe Maggie’s response, but I will say it’s a lot, and kudos to KLS for saying all that gobbledygook with the confidence of someone who knows what she’s talking about.

Also, here’s Joe falling in love with her as she explains it all.

Maggie wonders what’s going on with the boat Joe wanted to buy, and he tells her about his partner (Jerry, if you remember) who backed out…what would’ve been almost a week ago now, in-universe. Actually, it was just over 50 episodes ago.

The correct term is ‘paddle’.

Maggie has more innocent reasons than I for wanting to spank Dave Ford, of course. It turns out..

Major lore dump right here, Maggie’s good intentions aside.

It’s been clear for a while that Roger paid Sam in some way to ensure his complicity in whatever coverup followed the incident with Burke 10 years ago. The exact price tag has been given once, at a more recent date, when Roger tried paying Sam to leave town what would’ve been hours before Malloy’s death. Now, for the first time, it’s confirmed how the transaction was done: Roger bought some paintings to lend legitimacy to the whole business.

Sam then blew all the money, which facilitated his downward spiral into the alcoholism and maudlin depression that makes him the lovable old sot we know and love.

The biggest question this leaves open, then, is how hasn’t Maggie put two and two together yet? She’s suspected since the very first week that her father and Roger were caught up in some business involving Burke, hence Sam’s erratic behavior since Burke came back to Collinsport. She heard Burke’s accusations against Roger, also implying her father was involved, three nights previously. She has known for all ten years since Burke went to prison about her father coming into a lot of money around the same time.

It’s fairly clear what’s going on here, but for the sake of the plot, Maggie must remain oblivious. And if you think that bit of plot-induced stupidity is bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Oh, to be at the Evans cottage in October of 1966, drinking spiked coffee with an earnest and lovable young seaman.

In a cute little moment (as if this hasn’t all been one cute little moment, but nevertheless), Joe steals up behind Maggie as she pours and sings a bit of the old shanty…

Little do they know…

And, yes, the euphemism “sailor” for a homosexual was well integrated into common parlance by this point, so there’s that.

So Carolyn has changed out of her nice clothes and into one of her hideous nightgowns. This one is perhaps more offensive because it randomly cuts off at the knees. At least the smock appears to have been made for a grown person.

See, a comment like that shouldn’t be made by someone dressed like a five-year-old.

I guess it’s telling that Roger becomes more interested hearing about Burke and Sam drinking together than he is about Burke making a move on his underage niece. But that’s par for the course. The only time he’s been really upset about Carolyn and Burke, he took that pen he gave her and we all know how that’s ended up for him.

Roger does remind Carolyn that Burke “hates us”.

Extra salt in the wound. Roger’s niece has dumped him for his ex. He’s really been getting the ass end of it lately.

Carolyn points out Burke was “entirely different this evening”. But, you see, when somebody randomly changes their attitude in the face of all reason in an attempt to reassure you and ensure you trust them, that actually isn’t a good thing, and usually a major red flag.

But it’s Carolyn, so of course she doesn’t see that. It’s not like she hung around the hotel long enough to hear Burke telling himself about all the danger she’s going to be in if he gets his way whenever this show decides to actually move that flaccid revenge plot along.

Carolyn tells Roger that Burke and Sam put aside whatever animosity they had to drink together and be friends, and we get another winner from Mr. Collins:

We have to get Roger some friends. I know a love interest is out of the question unless it’s a woman, in which case it becomes undesirable, but like…a friend would be nice. Though I guess if Roger had friends, there goes the whole character.

It turns out they were only talking about this because Carolyn heard from Burke that he didn’t know where Vicky was. In a very complicated, roundabout way, this brings us back to the subject of the missing governess. Carolyn chooses now to begin actually getting worried, and the artifice is thinner than that chemise she’s wearing.

I’m not being entirely accurate with that transcription. Where the ellipsis is, Carolyn interrupts to remind Roger Vicky came from the foundling home in New York, as if he was suggesting she’d risen from the sea fully formed and naked like Aphrodite. The only conceivable reason for that clumsy interjection seems to be Swann wanting to remind us of Vicky’s mysterious origins.

But that would mean the show as ready to revisit that again. Which is of course totally absurd and…

Oh? Oh. Wow. Okay. Hm.

Roger points out there must be a logical explanation for Vicky’s disappearance and proceeds to select a truly mind-boggling example:

Carolyn points out that the logical explanation in that case was that Malloy was dead and…listen, I know Roger is a cackling troll, but I can’t conceive why he would’ve chosen that as an example to put Carolyn at ease.

Then why did you say it?

Which returns to the conclusion of last episode, which confirmed Roger has figured out just what David did to Vicky who, indeed, isn’t very far away at all.

As you can see, Roger’s taking this very seriously.

He resolves to remain “sitting here to wait for Vicky” and tells Carolyn to get her carriage off to bed.

So it’s about a quarter past two and Joe realizes he should probably be getting home.

God, they’re so frigging cute.

Yeah, I think this is fixing to become a Thing. Sorry, Carolyn, you snooze, you lose.

Joe departs with a kiss on the cheek, leaving Maggie to look off into the distance…

Don’t be discouraged honey. You got through a whole date without making him suicidal, so that’s already a huge advantage.

And that’s it for them. And even though we’re halfway into Act 3, we’re only halfway into the episode. And this is because the last half is such a wild, crazy journey, flying into the face, not only of soap opera narrative (we know this show loves doing that, for better and, often, for worse), but of Dark Shadows’ own episode-to-episode structure.

We begin with Roger, alone in the drawing room. After checking the time, he turns the lights out and retrieves a flashlight from a drawer before crossing to the armoire and…

There is a mother fudging secret passage, right there in Sy Tomashoff’s lovingly paneled walls.

There is no great preamble, no shocking sting chord, nothing to indicate that it’s surprising the old dark house has secret passages. And I guess it shouldn’t be; it would be genre malpractice if Collinwood didn’t have at least one secret passage. It’s just that they’re only revealing it now, 87 episodes in, and in such a lowkey, understated way. We don’t know how many people know about the passage. We don’t know how Roger knows about the passage. All we know is that he’s in it now, armed with a flashlight and the knowledge that, somewhere in the vast, dark recesses of Collinwood, a woman is in danger.

And we don’t know what he intends to do.

Carolyn comes down to tell Roger something…

What follows is an extraordinary sequence in which the camera tracks Louis Edmonds through what can’t possibly, in reality, be a very large piece of the set. As we discussed, the East Wing doesn’t really have a set outside the room Vicky is trapped in. The rest of it is mostly undressed space strewn with dusty junk. Through a remarkable combination of set design, camera work, and Bob Cobert’s ominous soundtrack, however, it really feels like we’re following Roger through a labyrinthine maze.

This goes on for almost three minutes and, while it is a lot, there’s this overriding feeling of suspense. We know what lies at the end of the trail. Roger has some idea. But we know Roger isn’t some hero riding in to do a rescue. He has kept this mission and his suspicions of David secret from the others. There’s an agenda here, and we know it isn’t good.

Vicky wakes from her latest fitful attempt at sleep and hears movement in the hall outside.

Imagine the surprise Roger feels, hearing a living voice call out in a cold, dusty, abandoned place like this. He whirls around to face the door, and there is a moment of perfect tension as he spots the key Vicky knocked out of its lock at the end of last episode. And just when you think he’s going to unlock the door and free her…

He pockets it.

Vicky, now certain there’s somebody outside the door, on the brink of tears, begs to know…

He knocks a brass pitcher to the floor, making a sudden clattering noise. Selects a walking stick and runs it across the door, all while Vicky screams and cries on the other side.

Then, taking a handkerchief from his pocket, he muffles his voice…

Funny, she got a legit visit just a little while ago with the same message.

This is the most heinous thing Roger has yet done. I mean, even if he’s proven the murderer of Bill Malloy, I’d say this is more heinous than that. Vicky is obviously already very terrified; I don’t think she needs to be more tormented.

But this is calculated. Roger is taking advantage of the crisis his son created to serve his own ends: getting Victoria to leave. He couldn’t possibly have known just what David would do to her after he hinted to him he should take vengeance on her, but the idea was clearly in his mind that, whatever was done, he would use it to further push Vicky away.

All because she knows about the sterling silver filigreed fountain pen.

And it’s Roger. I laugh at Roger all the time. He’s funny and charming, and he’s never scary. But in this moment, there is a terrible intensity to his every action, including his ridiculous ghost voice.

And then he switches right back to the gallant, getting the key out and unlocking the door…

I will say, the ghost impression might’ve worked better if he didn’t show up immediately after, but this is better than leaving her to rot. Maybe he developed something resembling remorse.

Roger is suddenly the relieved protector, letting a hysterical Vicky collapse into him as Alexandra Moltke does the most intense work she’s been allowed to do, sobbing his name as she tells him what happened to her:

This kind of acting…wasn’t commonplace on soaps. Crying women were everywhere, but this is a raw, primal, horrible display of terror. It’s fantastic work, and ought to shut up certain fans who think Moltke simply didn’t have the chops. Here, she demonstrates that if she were only given material, she’d eat it with relish.

Leave it to Roger, he sounds bored of all this already.

Something in common. They can talk about it on their next ill-advised breakfast date.

There’s a brief moment where Roger seems to consider that he, as a ghost, told her to leave Collinwood, so maybe she’s just having a wild hallucination to go with the experience, but Vicky refutes that in the next instant, as she collapses against him…

So…some Tuesday, huh?

This Day in History- Tuesday, October 25, 1966

The Soviet Union’s Luna 12 space probe, launched on Saturday, enters the Moon’s orbit and begins photographing potential landing sites for a manned mission. The majority of these photos were not released to the public, but I can’t imagine there was anything interesting in any of them. There’s nothing to do on the Moon, as we would all learn to our disappointment.

The South East Asian Treaty Organization meets in Manila to agree to a plan for ending their participation in the Vietnam War. U.S. President Johnson and South Vietnamese Prime Minister Nguyen Cao Ky lead the other five member nations in agreeing to withdraw from the region within six months. But this all comes to nothing when the North Vietnamese Prime Minister compared the whole thing to Hitler and Chamberlain in 1938. And so the war kept going. And going. And going.

China successfully tests a nuclear missile for the first time. This really was a great time to be alive.