Dark Shadows is not an ordinary soap opera. It is, contrary to some fans’ opinion, not even an ordinary soap opera before the arrival of the vampire that would make it a cultural phenomenon.
To better illustrate this principle, I will attempt to analyze the place settings here, in Episode 82 of Dark Shadows, aired Tuesday, the 18th of October, 1966, not quite four full months into the show’s run, and describe what might be happening, with these same pieces on an “ordinary” soap opera.
The murder of Bill Malloy throws the town into chaos. Burke Devlin throws himself into solving the case, at the same time earning the ire of Carolyn Stoddard, who hates him for trying to accuse her uncle Roger, at the same time as his sexual tension with Victoria Winters continues to mount. On the same end of this, Elizabeth attempts to stave off any financial attacks Burke might make on the family’s business holdings. Ignoring the advice of her brother, she appoints Joe Haskell to manager of the fishing fleet, filling the vacancy opened by Malloy’s death. This is done, both because she believes Joe is good for the job, and also that it will expedite his marriage to Carolyn. The hiring causes a stir among older and more seasoned men around the plant, who object to what they see as favoritism, Elizabeth selecting her daughter’s boyfriend over they who had given their lives to the Collins family. Burke takes advantage of this and begins courting their interest, intending to earn popular support ahead of the buyout.
Joe is roughed up by some drunks at the Blue Whale, in retaliation for the promotion. He is rescued by Maggie, who had come to pick up her wallowing father. Carolyn and Maggie get into it while Joe is convalescing on the sofa at the Evans household, Maggie suggesting Joe gets a lot of trouble for all the help he gives to Carolyn’s mother, implying Carolyn is ungrateful.
Burke hears about what happened to Joe and feels momentary guilt. He attempts to apologize, but Carolyn rebuffs him. Burke is left to wonder for the first time about the human cost of his schemes.
Meanwhile, Roger feels the noose growing tighter and tighter around him. He calls Sam, urging him yet again to destroy the letter he wrote, confessing his part in the manslaughter case. This is overheard by David, who attempts to tell Miss Winters. Miss Winters dismisses his concerns and David runs away, causing a panic at Collinwood.
David races down Widows’ Hill, intending to get to Sam’s letter before anybody else. Vicky, desperate for a friendly eye to help find her charge, calls Burke to warn him about David coming.
But it’s Carolyn who picks up the phone! She’d been searching for incriminating evidence in Burke’s hotel room, and had discovered a dossier labeled VICTORIA WINTERS- CLASSIFIED. Could there be more to the research Burke did on Vicky than he let on on their date? Carolyn panics, hanging up the phone, leaving Vicky to wonder what she was doing there in the first place.
And as for Burke? Why he was driving up to Collinwood to confront Roger, his car barreling up the hill…
And striking David. Vehicular manslaughter? Burke hopes to Christ Jesus not. He rushes David to the hospital. He and Roger scream bloody murder outside the examination room. Victoria is wracked with emotions, pleading with Elizabeth to go and see her nephew on what might be his deathbed. Why is she such a coward? Why does she hide so?
Matthew Morgan comes between them, warning Vicky to stay away from Mrs. Stoddard, who has suffered too much in her life to take such abuse.
Meanwhile, it turns out David is in desperate need of a blood transfusion. But Roger isn’t a match! Who is, then…?
Burke Devlin.
But this isn’t an ordinary soap opera, so instead today’s episode is about a silver filigreed fountain pen, and also Victoria Winters teaching her charge his times tables.
David’s crystal ball is back. He looks into it sometimes and sees things, like his father murdering Bill Malloy. Then he tells other people he sees these things, and they don’t believe him. This despite him correctly ‘predicting’ Malloy’s death in the episodes when everybody still thought he was merely missing.
So, you see, we aren’t on an ordinary soap opera. There’s no romantic affair, the business drama is tepid at best, the lives of the cast members are rarely in any kind of peril…
And the nine-year-old boy has a crystal ball that he claims shows him things. What Dark Shadows is, you see, is something that wants very badly to be different, but is afraid to commit, and therefore pleases nobody.
Burke and his turtleneck are back for another round of harassing Collinsport’s public servants.
The cop who reads detective fiction to figure things out could be a quirky, endearing character trope. There’s a tradition of amateur sleuths in fiction reading such stories themselves, from which they derive their own detective techniques. Then, at the end, they start a chorus line with whichever characters are left alive and sing “I Owe it All to Agatha Christie”.
And since Dana Elcar plays such a lovable, likeable Sheriff, it’s hard not to think this is cute, but not, like, an indicator of his own prowess as a detective. It’s like a five-year-old reading comics and deciding to play Superman.
But, hey, he gets to sass Burke for being a dick, and that’ll always win some points.
So, Burke is back from the field-trip to Lookout Point he told Mrs. Johnson about at the end of last episode. Why did he go to the likeliest spot of Malloy’s demise? Why, to find a clue that he believes will crack the whole case wide open.
I’ll let him explain it for you.
Okay, so the sterling silver filigreed fountain pen is a major part of the story now, after being played incrementally for the last two weeks, with Vicky finding it at Lookout Point two Fridays ago, and Roger realizing she had it last Friday.
Burke was first reminded of the missing pen by Carolyn in Episode 74, when she made a passing comment about it. At the time, he didn’t seem to understand what it meant and, while you’d think he was pretending not to understand to avoid tipping his hand, comments a little later in this episode indicate, no, he only just randomly realized the potential significance of the pen today.
So. What is the significance of the pen, and what is this soap opera trying to do with it?
The idea is that Roger lost the pen on the way to the meeting. How? Well, possibly when he was hurling Bill Malloy into the sea. If the pen were found washed up out of the tide, it would be a major clue, connecting one specific person to the site of Malloy’s death: Roger Collins.
This is a well-worn detective fiction device. A specific item that can damn a murderer. It might be a letter, or a legal document (these tend to get burnt in fireplaces, and then Poirot has to make a device out of hatboxes to figure out what was written on them), an article of clothing (missing gloves, torn fabric from a hat or coat), or a monographed handkerchief whose initials could mean only one person.
Rarely, is it a writing utensil. I’m not well-read enough to say it’s never been done, but it certainly isn’t common to see the “red right hand” being a blinged out pen.
We’re never told when Patterson searched Lookout Point. He narrowed the location down pretty quickly, on the very long Day 6. It’s Day 9 now. Victoria found the pen on Day 8. It wouldn’t make sense for Patterson to only search the site two days after confirming Malloy died there.
It turns out, in fact, that Patterson searched the point, as in the clifftop Malloy would’ve fallen from, but not the beach below, because it was high tide. So that’s…that’s all they give us to justify why Vicky ended up coming across it.
Girl, I guess.
David is getting frustrated with all these math problems.
Ooh, wow, slave talk. I guess those Civil War lessons are still on his mind.
As they talk, the silver filigreed fountain pen goes rattling off the table and, before you think that’s a blooper, Vicky asks David to pick it up and we learn it was in the script and, indeed, a pivotal moment in the dramatic narrative.
Because kids love pens, you guys.
Back at the restaurant, the long-suffering Susie continues to play mediator between Burke and whoever he is harassing or being harassed by.
So Burke and Patterson continue arguing about Roger and the silver filigreed fountain pen. Patterson can’t reopen the case because, even if the pen is evidence, it’s missing, and the only thing to say Roger even had it when he left Collinwood that night is a theory Burke cooked up that, though it seems to be true… Is still unsatisfactory.
This heated argument about is, just perhaps, a low point in this storyline. And yet it is meant to be the point at which the narrative begins gaining steam. The pen has the power to connect Roger to the death of Malloy. Roger knows this and is panicking about it now that he understands the oblivious Vicky has it. Things seem to be coming to a head. But because this thing has dragged so long, all the significant points of the pen have to be relitigated and, yes, Burke sounds like a lunatic now, bringing it up with such zeal, as if he’d been onto this point from the beginning when, if it weren’t for a chance comment from Carolyn two weeks ago, he likely never would’ve thought of it.
This episode isn’t even half over. You’re probably wondering how they can possibly sustain this.
Well, that’s her business.
This random segue way serves no purpose in the structure of the episode. They don’t even linger on the subject of Mrs. Johnson for more than a few seconds before David just starts talking about new stuff, because he’s a kid and kids talk like this, and it certainly has nothing to do with a burnt out writer trying desperately to fill out those last few scripts before he’s out of a job.
This raises the question of what kind of rich the Collinses are. They are wealthy, but if they’re so in debt that Burke buying all those notes is just a business formality, they can’t be flush.
So, point 1: David wants to enslave half the planet. I think he took the wrong cues from that Civil War lesson…
But point 2: The best performance of the episode is given by David Henesy. He continues the transformation from dangerous patricidal maniac to meddlesome, rude, creepy, but also endearing child, apace. And that’s not to say the days of him doing bad shit are behind us. In fact, there are some very, very close at hand. But his childishness is very apparent in these scenes. The little way he tilts his nose up when he declares “half the world”. It’s perfect.
Victoria starts talking about her “fairy godmother”. David denounces that as “kids stuff”.
There are lots of farcical elements to this story. This, Roger walking in just as Vicky starts talking about the divine providence that entrusted her with her silver filigree fountain pen, is one of them.
You’ll note a new bit of decoration in this room: a portrait of the Virgin Mother and the infant Jesus above David’s dresser. It’s an odd concession to ornament, and weirdly religious for the room of the proto Omen child. Maybe Liz thought it would be a positive influence.
I’m not sure if this means the Collinses are Catholic. You’d think, since they originated in late 17th century England, they’d be some variety of Protestant, but whatever, I guess.
Roger holds the pen like his fucking Gollum from Lord of the Rings.
This is weird.
The fun and games continue with the phone ringing, Roger deciding to go get it, attempting to “casually” abscond with the pen, only to be foiled by David going “Father!” in a saccharine tone he never uses with him.
I guess this counts as character development.
So, Roger gets the phone, and it’s Burke, and then they step on each other’s lines, which is more forgivable here because they’re doing it from different sets in real time.
Burke arranges to meet at the Blue Whale shortly, so Roger can give him his pen back. I swear to God.
We get some more new location footage, of Roger getting out of his car and going into the Restaurant.
Burke said he wanted to meet at the Blue Whale in the script, but I guess they didn’t have relevant location footage for that, so they swapped the sets at the last minute without revising the script. It’s a rare premeditated error for this show.
So it’s time for our weekly dose of vaguely homosexual sparring.
This is better if you replace the word pen with “ring” or “alimony” or “child support”.
Roger loses patience with this very quickly, claiming he lost it, refusing to give any clarifying information and then telling Burke this is all a bunch of nonsense, which it is, but it’s also the A-plot of the show now, and we’re stuck with it for at least another month.
If David Henesy gives the best reading this episode, Louis Edmonds is right behind him, and Mitch hot on his heels. Do you have any idea how much worse this would be if these actors were bad? The only reason I rag on the pen as much as I do is because these talented people were made to play it 100% straight and they did. If they were bad, this whole thing would be a painful slog and I would devote, perhaps, a lazy two paragraphs to every episode featuring this absurd contrivance.
Burke continues tipping the old hand, telling Roger he thinks he lost the pen at Lookout Point after murdering Bill Malloy. And I guess Roger must be used to being accused of murder at this point, because his reaction doesn’t go beyond exasperation.
I might as well just end the post now, that about sums it up.
Burke isn’t willing to let this go, so he pursues him into the lobby and the adversarial sexual tension only gets worse.
#owned
Patterson comes back, because Burke allegedly pissed him off so much that he forgot to pay for his meal. Try that the next time you want to get out of paying for dinner: a man approached my table and began screaming at me about missing stationary.
Remember a few weeks ago, when Patterson threatened to lock Burke up if he kept doing vigilante things? Whatever happened with that?
But I guess yelling about pens isn’t vigilantism. It’s just being crazy.
Then Burke grabs Roger in a manner I can only describe as “charged”.
Burke decides somebody found the pen before the police could, and…
He has to tell us the stakes, I guess because regular viewers of this program would be unused to them. And, of course, Roger knows just who that “someone” is who has the pen, and, as we have seen, he is very bad about attaining his life goals. You only have your wife committed to a mental institution if you lack people skills.
I get it. It’s the greatest thing in the world, better than money, sex and Jesus, can we give it a rest?
In what is really a very nice moment for Victoria, after grading David’s (nearly perfect) math work, she decides she’ll give him the pen in return for continued good marks. Positive reinforcement as a learning tool was, as yet, not widely practiced in the American education system, where you could still be paddled, Carolyn style, in every state. Today, it’s only legal in 18, and practiced in 15. But private schools can still do it nationwide.
I…uh…I don’t like doing the research for this blog, sometimes.
How miserable has this kid’s life been that a silver pen is immediately the greatest thing he’s ever seen? He lives in a badass mansion on a cliff and his Dad drove the Batmobile until he removed its suppository in an attempt to kill him.
So Roger shows up and summons Vicky downstairs to broach his next great plan to put a stop to Burke’s investigation and remove the threat personified by the silver filigreed fountain pen. Spoiler: it’s something he’s tried before.
He’s reviving that offer to send her off to work for his friends in the Florida commune or whatever’s going on with that. He, again, broaches it in good spirits, though with a little more backing this time, since they have gotten chummier in the two-and-a-half onscreen days since that happened.
Vicky, however, has not changed her mind, and why should she? David is finally responding positively to her influence, Carolyn no longer thinks she’s a meddlesome whore, Elizabeth respects her enough to ask her opinion on the running of the house, and Roger keeps taking her on dates. This is the best things have been for her since she showed up.
Roger tries some bullshit by claiming Burke made further threats at their meeting just now, and Vicky should leave “for her own safety”, but Victoria isn’t convinced because, after all, Burke isn’t after her.
I was under the impression this guy was so insolvent he had to come back to live with his sister just to make ends meet, so something tells me it isn’t even his money he’s offering.
Before Vicky can consider this, David runs into the room, having consulted his crystal ball and learned the origins of the silver filigreed fountain pen.
David’s clairvoyance is another of those ambiguous, possibly supernatural things. Whether the crystal ball itself has the magical powers, or if David really can see things in the same way as he can speak to the “Widows” is up in the air. He was already right about Malloy being dead, though it’s also possible he only floated that suggestion because he wants it to be true that his father is a murderer. The only non-Malloy related prediction he’s made to this point is that Joe and Carolyn will never get married, which…
Well, we’ll see, huh?
Vicky politely declines Roger’s offer, while David sulks.
Really, it was a pretty bad plan, just xeroxing something she already said no to. Roger’s going to have to get creative. This might be hard, though, so it’s probably for the best that Vicky ends up detained in this room to talk to David while Roger heads upstairs unobserved.
That’s cute. He’s starting to like her. I’m sure things will be just grand between them henceforth.
David reveals that his crystal ball told him the pen was found at Lookout Point. Vicky is surprised, assuming it was a lucky guess, which…considering that beach is the only one that’s been on anyone’s mind lately, isn’t a bad theory. And the morbid David would certainly have immediately thought of that one as the sexiest possible answer, so…
But still. It could be ghooooosts.
Anyway, here’s Roger stealing a pen.
This Day in History- Tuesday, October 18, 1966
Cosmetics queen Elizabeth Arden dies. One of the wealthiest women in the world, her estate was valued at $50 million.
Also in notable deaths: the dude responsible for K-Mart. The last time I went to K-Mart, I bought nothing and noticed everything smelled of dampness and despair. I’m surprised the pandemic hasn’t killed the last of them yet.
Kooks of Collinwood 