Tread lightly, lest you be ensnared by the Web of Confusion.
Enough people that, for the first time, the Collinsport Restaurant actually has customers who aren’t named characters.
This is another of those episodes where Vicky’s monologue tries to profile various cast members as they appear on screen.
Enough that she apparently debauched to Gimbels.
This guy’s only been on the show two episodes and he’s already getting mentioned in the monologue. Maggie’s been here since Day 1, where’s her profile?
You’ll note a significant change has been made to “Constable” Carter’s uniform. Specifically, he is suddenly an elected official rather than “a peace officer with limited policing authority, typically in a small town” or else “the governor of a royal castle”.
Perhaps finally realizing that it’s quite silly for an American town in the 20th century to have a ‘constable’ enforcing the law, somebody behind the scenes (probably Dan Curtis, whose word is law throughout all 1225 episodes) had costuming sew this little Boy Scout badge onto Michael Currie’s sleeve, confirming that he is now, in fact, “an elected officer in a county who is responsible for keeping the peace”.
Maggie goes to take his order, wondering “how’s the police force today?”
Daw.
But he isn’t here for coffee and conversation. Like everybody else on God’s earth, he is looking for Burke Devlin, who isn’t in his room and who Maggie hasn’t seen since he visited her Pop this morning.
Maggie, who remains invested in this solely for the emotional and mental health of her slovenly ungrateful bastard of a father, wonders if this has anything to do with Roger’s car crash, but Carter isn’t giving her that bone.
Carolyn is hanging around this place because she’s taking Unca Roger’s advice to “keep worrying about dates with boyfriends” to heart.
Yes, she left her parcels unattended to go make a phone call. It was a simpler time, or at least that’s what FOX news wants us to think.
Here, we finally get a scene between the last pair of female leads to interact: Maggie and Carolyn. Not that Victoria and Maggie have gotten much interplay since the first episode (not counting Maggie’s attempt to save her from the donuts), but we’ve gotten to see Victoria and Carolyn form their…weird friendship over the last month of storytelling. Maggie has remained on an island consisting primarily of her father and sometimes of Burke and even less sometimes of Roger. Here we have the two Collinsport girls, from considerably different sides of the railroad tracks, interacting for the first time.
Wow. An instant, natural dynamic. It seems our girl just has these with everybody.
Maggie wonders if Carolyn is meeting Burke for lunch.
Carolyn develops that very soapy “Oh! Why would anyone think I’m hoing for that man in light of all this overwhelming evidence?” attitude. But Maggie couldn’t give less of a shit where Carolyn puts his cooter. She just wants to know what’s up about this car crash because nobody is fooled that Burke isn’t a suspect.
There’s a six year age gap. I’m still baffled that Carolyn has no recollection of anything to do with Burke period. But then, we must also wonder how much she pays attention to the local working poor.
Maggie explains about Burke modeling for her father and, of course, the latest scheme in his revenge plan: portraiture.
Ah, yes. Row. Something a 23-year-old American waitress would certainly say.
Joe is here to clock in his weekly appearance. He speaks to Maggie only so far as to remind her of his order before they’re hastily separated for Nancy Barrett’s own good.
The first subject on this lunch date, their first interaction since their contentious dinner date?
Joe just can’t get a break.
Carolyn talks about the “Constable’s” interest in Burke, which suggests that, while the costume was changed, the script sure as hell wasn’t.
Burke returns to the lobby and finds our man waiting for him.
Burke is friendly, open-handed, and not the least bit surprised that Carter wants to question him. It’s not like any of this happened suddenly.
Back at luncheon, Carolyn suddenly doesn’t want to talk about Burke, presumably because she gets self-conscious.
She’s not the only one.
Remember Joe’s wild plan to buy a fishing boat and be a self-made man? So, it turns out he and some friend of his, Jerry, are planning to buy an old boat and go into business together, rendering that whole plot dangle about Liz possibly finagling a promotion for him redundant.
Joe says he and Jerry are quite alike, with one difference:
Here, you might begin to feel bad for Carolyn. She doesn’t want to marry Joe. Or she does, but she’s afraid too. Which is fine. As we’ve said time and again, the bigger thing is how Carolyn keeps stringing Joe along. But here, with her denouncing Burke aloud (out of guilt for her perceived part in what happened to Roger), it seems maybe she might stop pining after him, that she may want to make things work with Joe, in time. It’s a delightfully soapy slow-burn…
Until you remember that Burke isn’t really guilty of the crime Carolyn worries she helped him commit. And it’s only a matter of time before we’re back to the same old, unless something drastic changes.
Burke orders his usual black coffee, along with the quintessential American sandwich: the ham and cheese.
Maggie tries to tell him that Carter (again referred to as the “Constable”, despite the clear instructions provided on his blouse) is looking for him, and Burke responds the only way he knows how:
Condescension. Topped off with a healthy gag as he asks for “butter and mustard” on his sandwich, a condiment mixture so vile it could only date from a time when White Americans thought mayonnaise was a spice.
Because Burke can’t help himself, he recreates that other bit of date-crashing.
Atta boy.
To Carolyn’s credit, she determines not to engage with Burke, though she isn’t as good at this as she should be. When asked how long she intends to remain here, she casually says Joe will be back at work soon and…
The appropriate response would be to throw that burger in his face and bolt, but Carolyn’s journey is a slow-going one.
Never waver, Joe. America stands with you.
The lunch order concluded, Burke and Carter head up to the hotel room. This scene is a significant moment for Burke, as he must present himself in the face of the law for the first time since his return to Collinsport and avoid the details of his true plan coming under scrutiny.
It is also a significant moment for Michael Currie, who is currently being haunted by malicious forces.
It is not a moment he seems likely to survive.
Burke maintains his innocence, even when Carter reminds him of the vow he swore in court, to exact revenge on Roger and his family.
This discussion proves difficult for both gentlemen.
Currie continues suffering.
I’m fairly certain there’s no such thing as attempted manslaughter, and even if there was, it’s certainly not what Burke was committed for. In fact, he wasn’t committed at all, but convicted. But he was a young man. That is true.
Then the camera tries to kill Michael Currie.
Seriously, read Dark Shadows From the Beginning. It explains everything, right down to the barely audible voices Mitch Ryan is trying desperately to drown out with his stage boom.
It’s a good thing, for us not the actors, that this scene is such a hot mess, because otherwise it’s just yet another restatement of the case, point by point, with no new additions.
At one point, Mitch gets so sick of the jittering cameras and whatever is going on offset that he screams at the top of his lungs:
Seriously, this is the messiest damn scene yet on this show. Every single damn thing that could go wrong has. All we’re missing is a crew guy wandering into the shot with blood on his hands and a prayer on his lips.
Which, I think, is supposed to mean Burke didn’t try to kill Roger because…Roger is already dead?
Look, don’t ask me to explain everything. Sometimes you just write what you need to and hope the idiots at home don’t notice.
He said, his eyebrows cocked in suggestive fashion.
Burke’s argument boils down to: if he was going to try to kill Roger, he wouldn’t have been such a dumbass about it. He’d have disposed of the wrench before he could be caught.
Joe prepares to leave lunch. Carolyn apologizes for dampening his excitement over the boat venture.
Poor baby.
Maggie gives Joe his change.
It turns out that Burke just called the desk, asking for Carolyn to come to his room.
Burke seems to have derived inspiration from Roger’s visit: Summon a frightened and confused young woman to explain things she can’t adequately understand to an increasingly confused third party.
Burke wants her to ‘testify’ about Carolyn’s visit to him, that he was just on a “pleasure trip” and the idea to come to Collinwood wasn’t even his own.
So, basically, he’s putting a 17-year-old on the spot in front of an officer of the law so he can look marginally less skeevy.
So Carolyn explains, and the whole thing is very uncomfortable, and nobody is having a great time, but it isn’t as bad as poor, traumatized Alexandra Moltke in her version of this scene, so it could be worse.
Carter then pulls the old “I wouldn’t leave town if I were you” thing, which if nothing else will prevent Burke from having to explain why he isn’t catching the first plane to Venezuela tomorrow.
Carter leaves the torture chamber, leaving the lovers alone.
Yep, let’s just keep talking like that.
YES LET’S JUST KEEP TALKING LIKE THAT
Carolyn realized, just as Sam did, that if Burke is sticking around to have his portrait painted, that means he has no plans to leave right away after all and, therefore, the Venezuela Caper was a pile of horseshit.
SURE LET’S JUST KEEP TALKING LIKE THAT THERE’S NOTHING STRANGE
Burke maintains (i.e: lies) that he was going to leave, but his plans changed.
You shouldn’t.
Before she leaves, Carolyn asks Burke, flat out, if he tried to kill Roger.
And here, at the very least, he isn’t lying.
As Carolyn leaves, there’s another phone call.
It’s that guy Burke dialed at the end of Monday’s episode. Turns out he’s quicker than we thought and has already arrived in Bangor. Drink.
Burke plans to drive to the city to meet him, as it’s too “risky” if Bronson comes here.
He must’ve seen the first month’s worth of ratings.
Thursday, July 28, 1966
An American reconnaissance plane vanishes over Cuba and is not discovered for two days.
…slow news day.
Kooks of Collinwood 