Snoopy Doopy Doo

Victoria has decided to stay in Collinwood, the GREAT HOUSE on the crest of Widow’s Hill, steadfast in the belief that the secret truth of her origins are somewhere within its walls.

Atta girl.

Victoria’s search, for the moment, is for that kid she’s being paid an apparently very generous salary to tutor. You know, the same one who raided her luggage and told her the Voices in His Head wanted him to send her away, like, ten minutes ago.

So, naturally, Collinwood has a spooky basement. It’s one of the hallmarks of the Old Dark House. Basements are naturally dark, shadowy, damp and usually full of crap nobody much wants to look at anymore which, in fiction (and your great aunt’s summer house) makes them excellent places for dark and dread secrets to be stowed away.

As an added bonus, Collinwood’s basement even has a locked Door of Mystery!

I earlier mentioned that Collinwood has no shortage of sealed off areas with the promise of great secrets stowed away inside. I also mentioned that none of these places live up to their promise, but Victoria Winters has no reason to suspect that yet.

Right now, she’s a woman with a mission and that mission is to find that kid and teach him his blamed multiplication tab…

If you’re keeping score at home, this is the fourth sinister man Victoria has encountered since arriving at Collinsport, the third who has snuck up behind her and, as of right this moment, the second who’s intimated he wants to do her physical harm.

Well, at least he’s specific.

Just imagine, for a moment, you’re Victoria Winters. The last 12 hours have been a surreal trip of strangers telling you to leave. You spent half the night being interrogated by a drunk dandy very interested in the precise details of your chance encounter with a stranger at the train station. You very possibly were punked by a crying ghost, and subsequently verbally blasted by a nine-year-old.

You spent this entire morning divulging the painful secrets of your past to a teenager with the empathy reserves of an eye-dropper, and then find that that same nine-year-old has been through all your underwear.

Now, you are trying to Do the Job For Which You Are Paid, and this guy who looks like he stalks the highway for hitchhikers shows up brandishing a blunt instrument and accusing you of trying to harm your employer which, at this point, you may even be considering yourself.

Oh, but speak of the devil.

Elizabeth is here, and Joan Bennett gets a chance to show off her brooch game for the first time.

Victoria, naturally, is indignant, and goes so far as to refer to Matthew over here as “a crazy man”, at which point Liz tells her to kindly shut up while the crazy man explains himself.

It transpires that Matthew is the caretaker at Collinwood. Astute viewers (and, at six episodes in, you don’t have to be Captain Continuity, but even so) will note that his existence was first intimated in Episode 2, when Liz told Vicky…

Matthew Morgan is that one man. Though I’m not sure how much ‘heavy work’ he can truly be capable of given he can barely support his own spine.

But it doesn’t matter, because this dude’s a real charmer.

Matthew has the manner of a sauntering sea captain, curtly rattling off the story of how he heard someone snooping in the basement with all the crusty zeal of an old salt telling a ghost story. It’s honestly captivating.

Liz dismisses Vicky’s theory that David might’ve been in the locked basement room, because…

Oh, well, good to know. Nothing to see here. Moving on…

It also seems that Elizabeth never told the help that there was More Help on the way, which makes her ruffled attitude at this encounter all the more questionable, as it’s basically her fault.

Matthew doesn’t seem to understand why they should need a new hireling around here.

Liz dismisses Matthew and Vicky wastes no time…

Rude, sure, but the fact that she’s restrained herself from asking this same question about every man she’s met since she got here is commendable.

All told, you really can’t help but feel bad for Vicky here. she was only trying to find her charge (and, note that she’s restrained herself from telling Liz about her two earlier, not at all pleasant for her, encounters with David), and Liz is treating her like a criminal!

Even more insulting. No sooner is Vicky gone…

Liz discovers Vicky was right! David was in the basement. Don’t expect Liz to ever admit her fault in this.

A new aspect of Elizabeth comes to the fore, now: that of the doting matrician. She treats David firmly, but gently, and we see for the first time that maybe there’s something at least a little human about him, at least in that he has the capacity to feel shame.

David isn’t only chastened. He’s frightened.

Well, doesn’t that suggest a lot. Liz is appalled at the idea (and, hey, we’re not tooting the horn for corporal punishment around here, but maybe this explains Carolyn), and disgusted to learn that Roger frequently subjects David to such treatment.

But…Roger?

How could this lovable old charmer ever raise a hand against his own…

Liz assures David that no such chicanery will go on under her watch.

David reveals he was hiding from Victoria, which Liz doesn’t understand.

Kid’s a born natural.

You know, it’s probably a good thing Victoria isn’t actually terrorizing this kid, because Elizabeth isn’t lending a detail of this any credence.

Maybe Roger was right to roast her on her passiveness.

Anyway, it’s time for the Vicky/Matthew chem-test.

There’s this honestly cute moment when they introduce themselves to each other, James Bond style. “Morgan. Matthew Morgan,” and then Vicky, as if imitating him, is all “Winters. Victoria Winters.” And it’s very wholesome.

Vicky says she hopes they can be friends.

Now is as good a time as any to point out that Matthew Morgan isn’t a typical soap opera character. While this certainly won’t be the last time Dark Shadows offers us an against-the-grain archetype, it’s notable at this point in the show because, in some way, shape or form, every other character more-or-less meshes with a soap archetype common at the time.

Vicky’s the heroine, Carolyn is the flirty friend, Joe the ‘good guy’ love interest, Burke is the tall, dark and handsome rival. Elizabeth is the employer, matriarch and ‘mother’ character. Roger is the slimy villain type. Maggie is the savvy Gal Friday, Sam is the drunk and David, whatever else he is, is the kid.

But soap operas, then as now, didn’t really have a niche in their casts for ‘hunched up caretaker with festishistic devotion to boss’. Matthew Morgan, therefore, is Dark Shadows’s first 100% ‘horror’ archetype.

The creepy groundskeeper is today most familiar to audiences in the form of the requisite old man on Scooby Doo, who warns the kids away from the abandoned mansion/fairground/candy factory and, inevitably, turns out to be the guy in the monster mask.

The very existence of Matthew confirms that the trope predates the 60’s other most notable psychedelic spook show. The idea of the servant slavishly devoted to his master/mistress is old as the very Gothic novels Dark Shadows’s early episodes draw so heavily from.

Vicky decides to continue her investigation, never mind that Matthew earlier tried to bludgeon her for perceived nosiness.

She asks about the mysterious Mr. Stoddard and Matthew claims he never knew him, though he did come to work at Collinwood 18 years ago (drink!), after Stoddard left and Liz abruptly fired the rest of the staff.

Liz, it turns out, rescued Matthew from the drudgery of his old life…

And installed him in a cottage on Collinwood’s property, where he has spent the last 18 years (drink!) doing drudgery at the great house.

What goes unsaid in this is that ‘as long as I live’ seems to suggest Liz intends Matthew to take care of Collinwood until he drops dead, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

Victoria asks Matthew why Elizabeth would dismiss all the servants so abruptly, at which point Matthew gives her some advice she, as a purported New Yorker, should already have blazoned on her heart in fiery letters: mind your own damn business.

Meanwhile, Liz continues to prove herself a worthy patron for mentally disturbed members of the male persuasion, by fostering a love of reading in young David.

Little aside to say that ‘adventure stories’ of this type were once the predominant genre of fiction for young boys. The Rover Boys, once beloved heroes of Roger Collins (woof-woof), are likely envisioned, if the writers envisioned them at all, in the mold of The Hardy Boys, who solved mysteries together that Nancy Drew was able to solve alone.

Here, Joan Bennett seems to choke on Matthew’s name, calling him Marvin, Martin, and eventually settling on Matthew. I won’t point out every line flub, or else we’d be here forever, but I just imagine an alternate timeline where Bennett screwed up so often in Matthew’s debut episode that everyone decided to hell with it and called him ‘Martin’ henceforth to keep the audience from getting confused.

David, however, wants nothing to do with his father’s sissy Rover Boys, because…

Absurd! Why should he think that?

David certainly has some fondness for his mother, though. It’s not outright said, but we must infer he fears Victoria was brought to Collinwood to replace his mother.

Gotta love referring to a child as ‘it’. But, here, Liz demonstrates quite a pity for Victoria, as well as a full understanding of her orphanhood. Here is another clue, however fleeting, that Liz’s stake in bringing Vicky to Collinwood is a personal one.

Okay, I’m not sure that’s gonna help the kid’s estimation of her very much at…

I mean, there’s jack all to do at Collinwood, and the richest family in town doesn’t even own a radio, much less a T.V. Still, that Vicky immediately gravitates toward books about naval excursions indicates she might not be a lot of fun to talk to.

I know we’re halfway into the episode, but there’s still time to bring somebody else in!

Don’t look now, but I think Carolyn just endorsed America’s history of chattel slavery.

Carolyn is still excited about the lede she and Vicky got on last episode and is deflated to learn Victoria hasn’t worked up the nerve to ask her boss of less than 24 hours if she might, by chance, be her long-lost mother.

Look, she just wants to skip the formalities and get right to the sisterly hair-braiding. Can you blame her?

Liz returns and tells Vicky she found David in the basement. Victoria’s face tells a whole story.

The phone rings…it’s Joe Haskell! As she goes to take the call in the next room, Carolyn reminds Vicky:

Once Carolyn is gone, Liz asserts her dominance the way any good employer does: by blocking the exit.

So Carolyn’s on the phone and Joe very much wants to tell her something, but we’ve got 5 minutes left so that’ll have to wait for later.

Meanwhile, just when you think Elizabeth might apologize to Victoria for the shameful actions of her brother, nephew, and possibly mentally impaired groundskeeper, Liz describes that the big problem is David is scared of her and it’s Victoria’s job to make him not be scared of her.

But Victoria doesn’t want to Make Waves, I guess, so continues being quiet about all that. Liz then reveals that she told David that Vicky is poor orphan trash and, rather than be offended at this continued breach of what remains of her privacy, our resourceful heroine takes Carolyn’s advice and Does Something About It.

Vicky gives Liz the long and short about the box and the note and the money. Elizabeth is fascinated.

Victoria continues the cross-examination, pointing out that the money began coming for her around the same time as Mr. Stoddard left/Liz fired all the staff/Liz made Matthew an indentured servant.

Liz continues to insist there is no connection, that she hired Victoria because Roger was recommended her by someone at the foundling home. Victoria asks what she should have asked back in Episode 2: Who was the person who recommended Victoria to Roger at the foundling home? Liz says it doesn’t matter who was the person who recommended Victoria to Roger at the foundling home. Victoria says she’d like to write a letter of thanks to the person who recommended Victoria to Roger at the foundling home. Liz says it won’t be necessary for Victoria to write a letter of thanks to the person who…

Liz ultimately declares she knows nothing more than what she’s already told Vicky and leaves, which gives you a great idea of how they’re going to pace the rest of Vicky’s quest: slowly and frustratingly, constantly restating what is already known and bleeding out tiny half-clues every so often until finally, tortuously, giving up the ghost.

But Vicky hasn’t given up yet. No sooner is Liz gone than she grabs the phone…

But her attempt to contact the foundling home is aborted by the return of Carolyn.

What follows is a drawn-out conversation in which we learn Vicky wants to go into town, ostensibly to place her call from the privacy of a phone booth. Carolyn can’t give her a lift because Joe is on his way now. Vicky will have to take the bus. Oh, but wait!

Victoria’s response is ‘well, sure’, which is further evidence against her New York City upbringing. Carolyn lends Vicky her car for her drive to Collinsport, warning her to ‘watch the curves’ on the way down, which I’m sure won’t be important later.

Liz returns as Vicky leaves and wonders if someone just came in.

Carolyn Stoddard: Just here for the mess.

This Day in History- Monday, July 4, 1966

Dark Shadows 6 aired on Independence Day, 1966, the United States’s 190th birthday. Traditionally, television viewership declines on certain holidays, but I imagine the allure of Vicky/Matthew brought in a certain demographic.

President Johnson signs the Freedom of Information Act into law. Despite this, we still don’t know about the aliens.

Elizabeth II narrowly survives an attack on her motorcade in Belfast. Prince Philip was also there and, I believe, also lived, for all the good it’s done.